Thinking Out Loud – 8/28. A New School Year

The new school year is knocking at my door. I’ve never entered a year with my mind in SO many different places. I’ve already had a few months of experience as a working mom, but now it seems very different…both from the school aspect and the mommy aspect. Right now all of my thinking tends to lean towards worries and anxieties. So – this may be a downer of a post, but I am sure there are other people in my shoes – or others who HAVE been in my shoes.

Let’s break it down.

Ethan and Madeline.

  • Daycare seems to be going well.  Great. I am happy their are so adaptable. Are they getting enough nurturing? I know the ratio is 1 adult to 4 children – but come on. If I had quadruplets, I would never feel like I am giving each child enough attention.
  • Will they ever nap there? Naps have been hit or miss.  They are sleeping. GREAT. But not very long. Hopefully in time nap lengths will increase.  The positive – night sleep as been incredible so far.
  • Once everything gets going, I won’t see M and E until 4:30. I leave for work between 6 and 6:15. They don’t get up until 6:30/7:00. How on earth? That’s going to be rough. Justin is going to facetime me, but still. It is NOT the same. Not even close.
  • Are E and M going to create a stronger bond with their teachers than with me? They spend so much time there. Yes, I know I will always be there momma and it is different, but its scary.
  • How often are they going to get sick. Ugh. Germs. Hoping this will help them to build strong immune systems, but no one likes a sick baby.

School

  • So little time so much to do. Story of my life.
  • Common Core. I loathe you.
  • Teaching for an entire school year? I haven’t done that since 2012. That seems hard. Really hard. On the plus side, I won’t have used all of my sick days for half-day pregnancy related issues. That will be nice.
  • Planning. Correcting. All that jazz.  Need to time manage better at school and socialize less during my free period.
  • Way to many new curriculum aspects. Try as I may – I think it is going to be rough getting familiar with all of our new programs.  Practice makes perfect. Right?
  • Mild winter. Please. No snow days. I want to get out as early in possible in June.
  • I really hope I have a smart board or enos board. That would make life so much easier.

Personal

  • Guilt. Guilt over not enough time for my children. Not enough time for my students. My husband. My dog. There is just not enough time for everyone. How am I going to prioritize?!
  • I NEED to know what the routine will be. How long will it take me to get E and M packed? Thank goodness Justin is doing all the bottle washing.
  • Speaking of washing..Thursday was laundry day over the summer. And when we had a nanny. WHen will the clothes get washed? Another thing to add to the weekend list.
  • Working out. So important. When? Well, I joined a 9.99/mo gym next to daycare. A few days a week, I plan on grabbing a quick workout before I pick up M and E. But that is wrong..right? I should be picking up my kids ASAP. Not working out instead.  Insert more guilt.

I know my children are young and may not even remember this. But I go back and forth about being a working mom so much. I’ve commited to my job and I will do everything I can to make sure my students learn. But will my children resent me for sending them off to someone else? Or admire me for working. It is such a crazy thought process. I’m not sure if I will ever know what the best answer is. Work. Not work.

But, I am working. I will miss them dearly each and every day.  I will hug them tight the moment I see them and smother them with kisses from head to toe. I will cherish every moment we spend together and have quality time together. I will celebrate their successes – even if I don’t witness them first hand. Every day, this will get easier.

One day at a time.

One hour at a time.

One moment at a time.

10 comments

  1. Heidi @ Idlehide Blog says:

    :( I am already starting to feel this way and I am not due to go back to work until January. I wish finances weren’t an issue and I would stay home in a second! About a mild winter–> I know, right?! They actually said on the news last night that my area is in for a rough winter and I almost cried haha! Good Luck this year! Be sure to use some of those sick days and don’t feel bad about it! I don’t have any so use them up ;)
    Heidi @ Idlehide Blog recently posted…Thursday Thoughts #30 of 2014My Profile

    • Cait says:

      Its funny- when my babes were 3 months, I was ready to go back. I craved adult interaction. But this summer they were learning so much and at such a great age that it was a totally different story. I am not sure what my future holds as a working momma, but we shall see. Enjoy each and every day you have!
      We have had rumors of a rough winter – but they are saying cold and not snowy. I hate the cold, but hopefully schools will stay open so I can get out on the day in June planned!

  2. Jade says:

    The working mom is very hard. From experience, your kids will love you all the same, the teachers will not become mommy substitutes. I feared this daily when I went back to work with our nanny (which was 1 on 1 for a good portion of the day) and just added to my anxiety. But when I came home, kiddo’s smile was always the largest for me and only me, and I know your kids will be the same.

    As for sleep, they should get longer naps as they get used to it. My kid who basically just turned 2 has decided the last week he is no longer interested in any nap at all which I fear when the new baby comes that I need a little down time, but it’s true, his night sleep is awesome!
    Jade recently posted…Weeks 33-36My Profile

    • Cait says:

      Thanks for sharing your experience. It is definitely hard. I went through this when we had the nanny too – but got over it.I suppose it is less likely for mommy substitutes when there are other kids. As they begin walking and surpass 12 mo, they start trying to implement morning circle at daycare because its a part of the toddler room.

      I hope your 2 year old will nap again! Maybe its a phase!? It would make life easier with your newborn!!

      I think we’ve already been hit with out first sickness. MAddie has been a crank all weekend and is running a fever – and Ethan is now running a fever too. UGH! I can’t be sure it is not due to teething, but our pedi wants to check their ears.

  3. Leianna says:

    I to am a working mom and think it’s great that we can get a break and get refreshed for our kids. I have a 4 year old and a 4 month old. It’s hard to leave them with someone else and know I might miss something or he won’t remember me BUT we need time away to be better moms. I know the social interaction and the built up immunity is a great positive for me too. They have to go to school all day soon so what’s the difference?
    Hope you adjust well and know being a teacher is something I really respect as a mom and glad there are people like you to be with my kids!!!

    • Cait says:

      Honestly, I do enjoy the break (and that sometimes makes me feel guilty, too), I think I just need to get into my groove. The beginning is ALWAYS hard. I wantedto start their social interaction early (as much as it can be at 8 months..?) because I don’t want E and M to become too dependent on each other. Now they see that there are lots of other babies that are just like them. I’ll be separating them in kindergarten, so I wanted to get them involved with others as early as possible.

  4. Jess says:

    You are expressing all of my sentiments right now. I too am a teacher and am panicking over all of the same issues. I have 4-year-old twins and a son entering third grade. Every year I have the same panic right now, but every year we get through it. Is it easy? No, but it makes me happy to be a teacher to have the summers and vacations. I take days as necessary-your kids will remember you being there for them, your students will not remember if they had a sub a little more one year! Just think of the positive example you are setting for your kids. It will work out, you would be proud of yourself for your accomplishments! Just know there are others out there doing it, too…. Hopefully the guilt fades, and your children will be way more attached to you than any other caregiver, that is for sure! Good luck and have fun, you can do it!

    • Cait says:

      Agreed. Teaching is certainaly a wonderful job to have as a working mom because there is the benefit of those extra days off (but as we know..those are TOTALLY necessary in order to prevent burnout..there would be NO teachers if there weren’t those breaks in my opinion).
      Thanks for your positivity. It really helps..this is a rough spot, but it is getting easier!!

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